Dear J. Crew...

Oh. Em. Gee. Have you LOST YOUR MIND?

I mean, okay, J. Crew, I know your shtick. Do I covet your overpriced and adorably WASPY clothes? Why, yes. Yes, I do. I love the ridiculously expensive cardigans, embellished t-shirts, and comfy khakis... I especially love your clearance section because it means I don't actually have to buy anything full price, since you have such great sales. In general, I'm a huge fan.

But this? This I cannot condone.

$495 for a bedazzled tank top? SERIOUSLY? WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE SMOKING?

Who the hell do you think you are? Has your moderate success gone to your head and made you whacky? I mean... Okay, so you try to charge me like two-hundred bucks for a cashmere sweater. It is cashmere after all. I can handle that. I can't afford it, but I can justify in my head why you might put a price tag like that on it.

But this? What the hell is so special about this? It's a bunch of sequins! Just SEQUINS! You know, those shiny little plastic things that usually adorn the dance recital costumes of small children?

And why don't the sequins even cover the whole shirt? Is it supposed to look like you're wearing a sparkly tube top over a nude colored tank top?

Oh, no... No, it can't even look like a tube top because there are no freakin' sequins on the back.

Look! It's just PLAIN! And apparently poorly constructed... What's with the weird puckers? And why is the bottom seam all wonky? I don't get it. I mean, if you're gonna do sequins, why not go all the way? And why is it so loose? It's not loose or long enough to be a tunic... It just kind of... Hangs there. I don't get it.

Not cool, J. Crew. Even your model looks like she's a little confused as to why she is standing there in a partially-sequined tank top that has been paired with what looks like loose-fitting trousers of some sort instead of some super-tight, dark-denim skinny jeans that might make this absurdly priced garment look a little more acceptable.

I vote that you rethink this weird dressy/non dressy bedazzled top thing and come back to me with a new idea. Then I might be willing to give you another chance.

How does that sound? Reasonable, right? Yeah. I thought so.

'Kay. That was all.

Yours truly,

Leelee

*Don't forget! You still have some time to enter the Maybelline Prize Pack ($75 value) Contest!

[photo credit: jcrew.com]