Evolution of a Fame Whore

Raise your hand if you have been watching The Hills since little miss Lauren Conrad, still LC in my book, hopped into her convertible and said goodbye to her family's mansion overlooking the beach and cruised into a ridiculously posh apartment in LA. *This is me raising my hand*

And how many of you remember cute and bubbly Heidi Montag before her union with uber-sleaze Spencer Pratt? You know, back when she still looked like this...

Now, okay, I know that everyone has insecurities. Everyone dislikes something about their body or their face or whatever the case may be. But I really don't think there was all that much wrong with Heidi. In fact, Stuff Magazine didn't either, which is why they chose to do a spread with her before she went all plastic-surgery-crazy.

Uhm... If I looked like that? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do a damn thing to my body, but that's just me. Maybe I'm weird.

Apparently, Heidi was pretty content with that body of hers... Until she met her future husband, and all around creepy, disgusting, cheating, sleaze of a man, Spencer. Would you trust this guy?

Cause, I wouldn't! *cough* DOUCHE *cough*

Alright, so, against all better judgement, Heidi gets into a super-dramatic relationship with Mr. Pratt and they spend every other episode of the Hills as butt buddies.

Doing stupid things that stupid, preppy, over-priveleged kids do.

And then The Hills went on summer break. By the time the next season premiered, Heidi was on my screen looking like this...

Hmm... Okay. The hair is a lot blonder. The nose is a lot smaller. Okay, I guess I can handle it. It's not that bad.

Only once I saw her in a low cut shirt, I realized the nose wasn't the only thing she had done. And how do I know this? Because she showed up somewhere looking like this...

Oh. Em. Gee. Those were not there before!

She also tried to become a pop star...

...and started her own clothing line - I believe it was called Trashy Plastic Whores?

She also frequently showed up places looking drunk off her ass, though I'm pretty sure it's just the bizarre dreamy look in her eyes and the collagen-induced pout.

Then, she did the unthinkable and married Satan...

In a dress that drowned her tiny frame and more bling than should ever be allowed on one human being at one time.

They went on to live in wedded bliss until Heidi decided she was bored and wanted babies. So, Spencer compromised (after almost having a vasectomy performed without her knowledge) and got her puppies instead!

Now, the latest "Speidi" drama? Heidi decided she still wasn't happy with her body. So she went back under the knife to have a few little procedures done. Ten, to be exact. In one day. ONE DAY.

And now? She looks like this...

Uh... WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF, HEIDI????

She looks NOTHING like herself anymore. She looks... Like a Barbie. A manly Barbie.

In addition to having more work done on her nose, she had a chin reduction, her ears pinned back, and another breast enhancement - she's now a DDD! And apparently she can't move her face at all since her expression is almost exactly the same on the cover as it is in the second photo. Who actually takes a lesson from the Pamela Anderson Playbook??

I am so disturbed by this I don't even know what else to say. She's a shell of her former bubbly self and I really can't stand the sight of her and that creepy husband of hers.

Enough is enough, Heidi. Please, for the love of God, look in the mirror and stop the madness before you end up looking like a certain recently-deceased pop star.

[photo credits: hollywire.com, aishamusic.wordpress.com, morethoughtsfromtheshower.blogspot.com, www.eonline.com, hotmommagossip.com, celebitchy.com, puppyfarts.files.wordpress.com]