Thursday, February 4, 2010

"A Fashion Emergency of Chernobyl Proportions"

Ah, Project Runway... You never fail to disappoint me with your awe-inspiring use of hyperbole! I mean, Chernobyl proportions, really? The fact that you have a real, live woman standing in front of you instead of a beanpole skeleton is that much of a travesty? I get that designers want to design their creations for people with no fat, no shape, no curves, no...well, anything really, but GET OVER IT.

Instead of truly being inspired by a group of women who had overcome some serious heart disease, they shed some slightly-false tears and continued to moan over not having clothes-hangers as models this week.

Dear designers - Just FYI - I'm guessing 99.9% of people on this planet don't look like size-nothing models and they probably never will. Eventually real people are going to have to buy your clothes for you to be successful.

Almost all the designers were toeing the line between over-dramatic and straight up insulting. One designer was practically salivating over the fact that his "model" was so skinny, while others were moaning about their models being a "tough fit" or using the words "real woman" in hushed tones, as if it was some kind of communicable disease.

My advice? Figure out how to design flattering clothes now. You know, while you have the fabulous Tim Gunn for a mentor, and while you have a captive Project Runway audience at your disposal. Impress us now, people. I don't know about you guys, but if you piss me off now? I'm probably going to hold a grudge and swear to never look at your clothes ever again.

Okay, rant over. Now... Was it just me, or were most of these dresses just uninspired, safe, and boring? I know they had a limited budget (don't they always?) and very limited time (only 1 day) but seriously guys, I was just bored.

Also, the challenge was being sponsored by Campbell's Soup for their AdDress Your Heart Program Gala. In an apparent homage to Andy Warhol, the designers were supposed to incorporate Campbell's branding into their designs... What a joke. I was ready for some awesome geometric prints or super-cute retro looks, but alas, nothing like that came down the runway. What happened to the amazing creativity of the Hershey's challenge from a few years ago? So disappointing.

Alright, let's discuss the runway, shall we?

First, the judges had the most fabulous guest on their panel this week - Georgina Chapman - co-founder of one of my favorite fashion labels ever, Marchesa. They didn't mention this on air, but I believe Georgina is the wife of uber-producer, Harvey Weinstein, whose company produces Project Runway and which might explain her involvement, but I don't care how she got there. I'm just glad she was. Not that I'm biased or anything.

Can we have her back every week? Seriously. She looked fabulous. She made legitimate observations and gave valid critiques about the clothes rather than making flighty comments about whether or not she would "totally wear that" (I'm lookin' at you, Nicole Ritchie). Thumbs up, Georgina.

So... The runway. Right. I was so bored by the blah runway that I wasn't even inspired enough to make catty comments about all of the designs. Instead, here's my take on the final outcome.

Amy Sarabi wins the runway this week with a very pretty, nicely flowing, relatively flattering gown.

I thought Amy did a pretty good job. I think her dress was, by far, the best of the bunch, though that's not really saying much. The fit underneath the bust line is questionable, but I don't hate it. I like the small amount of Campbell's fabric woven into the sash and I'm pretty sure anymore branding would have ruined that particular dress. The movement was my favorite part. The model walked down the runway and it just looked as if a giant fan was blowing the dress back. Excellent execution on that part.

I'm also ignoring the fact that this was essentially a Marchesa rip-off mostly because I love Marchesa that much.

Congrats to Amy!

Oy. This dress was nothing short of a mess. Michael Kors declared that Jesus must have had a checklist of every possible tacky thing he could've done and managed to incorporate them all into one garment. Shiny red, short, tight, and rhinestone straps? I was expecting someone from Dynasty to come out on the runway. The only word I can think of is gaudy.

There is nothing okay about this dress, aside from the construction. He clearly knows how to sew, but that's about it. The racing striped logo on the side just made her look like she should have been one of those girls walking across a boxing ring, holding up a sign for applause or something equally lame.

Also, did the model look miserable, or what? I mean, I know these aren't professional models, but this woman could certainly give lessons on how to perfect the sour-puss look while strutting down the catwalk. Though, if I was wearing that? I'd probably look kind of miserable, too.

So, with that, 21-year-old Jesus is banished from season 7 of Project Runway. I doubt anyone didn't see this coming as he's had some questionable taste the last few weeks, but it's a little sad to see him go. He seemed like a sweet guy, but he's clearly got a lot to learn.

Auf wiedersehen, Jesus!


Claudia Lawrence on February 6, 2010 at 5:31 AM said...
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