Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Dear J. Crew...

Oh. Em. Gee. Have you LOST YOUR MIND?

I mean, okay, J. Crew, I know your shtick. Do I covet your overpriced and adorably WASPY clothes? Why, yes. Yes, I do. I love the ridiculously expensive cardigans, embellished t-shirts, and comfy khakis... I especially love your clearance section because it means I don't actually have to buy anything full price, since you have such great sales. In general, I'm a huge fan.

But this? This I cannot condone.

$495 for a bedazzled tank top? SERIOUSLY? WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE SMOKING?

Who the hell do you think you are? Has your moderate success gone to your head and made you whacky? I mean... Okay, so you try to charge me like two-hundred bucks for a cashmere sweater. It is cashmere after all. I can handle that. I can't afford it, but I can justify in my head why you might put a price tag like that on it.

But this? What the hell is so special about this? It's a bunch of sequins! Just SEQUINS! You know, those shiny little plastic things that usually adorn the dance recital costumes of small children?

And why don't the sequins even cover the whole shirt? Is it supposed to look like you're wearing a sparkly tube top over a nude colored tank top?

Oh, no... No, it can't even look like a tube top because there are no freakin' sequins on the back.

Look! It's just PLAIN! And apparently poorly constructed... What's with the weird puckers? And why is the bottom seam all wonky? I don't get it. I mean, if you're gonna do sequins, why not go all the way? And why is it so loose? It's not loose or long enough to be a tunic... It just kind of... Hangs there. I don't get it.

Not cool, J. Crew. Even your model looks like she's a little confused as to why she is standing there in a partially-sequined tank top that has been paired with what looks like loose-fitting trousers of some sort instead of some super-tight, dark-denim skinny jeans that might make this absurdly priced garment look a little more acceptable.

I vote that you rethink this weird dressy/non dressy bedazzled top thing and come back to me with a new idea. Then I might be willing to give you another chance.

How does that sound? Reasonable, right? Yeah. I thought so.

'Kay. That was all.

Yours truly,


[photo credit: jcrew.com]


emily on October 20, 2009 at 11:33 PM said...

that'd be ugly if it were at joyce leslie for $20

CarolineIsabel on October 21, 2009 at 7:15 PM said...

I adore J. Crew, but, honestly, that shirt is nowhere near even half of the retailed price. I could craft it myself with $40.

-Caroline Isabel

leelee on October 21, 2009 at 10:36 PM said...

EXACTLY!! I shouldn't be able to feel like I can make a shirt by myself if I'm paying almost $500 for it! Then again, if I'm paying $500 then that shirt needs to be doing my hair for me or something! :)

amanda14367 on October 22, 2009 at 8:36 PM said...

Maybe I can make my fortune that way. I'll bedazzle shirts (a unicorn on the back of a jean jacket, anybody?) and sell them for almost $500. So long, teaching! Hello, lifestyles of the rich and famous!

leelee on October 23, 2009 at 1:02 PM said...

I think you should get right on that and when you make a fortune you can share!