Thursday, January 28, 2010

She'd look good in a potato sack...

Well, I suppose that really depends on the potato sack, doesn't it?

Let's talk about how the second episode of Project Runway brought back my faith that the judges weren't puffing anything illegal when they let these designers on the show.

"Sneaky, tricky Heidi. I don't know if we're going to the moon or to a runway show."

Well, it's not the moon, but it's pretty damn close! It's a... FARM!

In fact, it's so fabulous that Tim Gunn started this episode standing in the middle of a giant field of dirt...wearing jeans!

JEANS, guys!

This is, like, practically epic! It's almost as awesome as when he wore flip-flops on the beach last season!

So, the theory behind this challenge was that these models are so hot they'd look good in anything, even a potato sack. So that's what they got to wear. Potato sacks. I gotta say, these girls are leaning more toward hot mess than anything else, so the designers have their work cut out for them.

"On top of having to make a dress out of a burlap sack, now we have to be wanted."

As an added twist, the models were the "clients" and had their pick of the designers. Mila's model jumped ship and decided to go with another designer, to which she replied: "What am I? Chopped liver?" No, your model is just a bitch. Oh, and your bangs could use some work.

After the mad rush back to the Parson's workroom, the designers all got cracking. There was cutting and bitching and dyeing and laughing... Oh, wait, the laughing was mostly on my part. Because there are crazy people who say things like "burlap is probably as old as Moses." Uhm, sure! Give or take a few centuries, maybe?

Amidst the usual drama, the inevitable time crunch, and Tim's continuous encouragement to "make it work" the designers actually sent some pretty cool pieces down the runway. Some of which I would never have even guessed were made out of burlap.

Here are my favorites of the night:

Anthony really stepped it up after last week. I love this little minidress. It's a great color, it doesn't look like burlap, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out how he did that fabulous swirly thing in the front of the skirt. The vine-like detailing on the front of the dress is great, too. Two thumbs up, Tony.

Emilio certainly didn't slack off, even though he had immunity from this week's challenge after winning last week. The fit is superb, the vertical appliqué is flattering and frankly, it's just really pretty. She looks chic and well-styled. Great look.

Amy was one of the few to leave the burlap looking, well, like burlap... But I'm not sure it matters. I think it looks great. The cowl neck halter top is super flattering, and the dip-dyed edges of the skirt are beautiful. The overall effect is a teeny-tiny bit like Tinkerbell-goes-Woodstock but I'm okay with that. It fits the model really well and it's just a lot of fun.

Does this look like anything even remotely resembling burlap to you? Cause it doesn't to me. Not at all. Frankly, I don't care what it's made of, it's gorgeous. I have no idea how Jay managed to make that skirt look like it was made of feathers, but it's awesome. The blue accents are really pretty and I debated with myself over the raw edges on the top, but in the end I decided that I really like them. And so did the judges, because they declared him the winner. Congratulations, Jay!

There were a few disasters, though. And I think the worst offenders were pretty obvious.

"The garment's not functional, it doesn't cover her ass. I'm worried, but then I look over at Ping and she's laughing. Maybe I shouldn't be worried, because it's supposed to be an ass flap."

Ping, ignoring Tim's good advice, and disregarding any good sense at all, put her model into a potato sack...that still looked like a potato sack. And more importantly, it showed her poor model's ass. Like, the entire ass. The judges were craning their necks to make sure their eyes weren't deceiving them and that really was crack they were seeing. I don't know how Ping has made it to a second week, let alone made it through this second elimination. I just don't get it.

Heidi found herself wondering if Ping was exaggerating her lack of understanding of the English language and I can't help but wonder the same thing. Her flighty attitude is getting old and it's only been two weeks. Time to auf the excess baggage, people.

"Ms. Thing has a big ole butt."

So everyone was super impressed with Pamela's ability to dye the burlap so well. I agree, she did an awesome job of making a potato sack truly look like faded denim. Unfortunately, that begs the question - why the hell would anyone wear a faded denim minidress with leather lacing? It just screams tacky 80's party, doesn't it?

"Here she is, she can wear a potato sack. I have a feeling a plain potato sack would have been more flattering."

You are so right, Michael Kors.

So, there you have it. Poor Pamela has had her last chance on the runway.

Auf wiedersehen, Pamela!

[photo credits:,]