"A Fashion Emergency of Chernobyl Proportions"

Ah, Project Runway... You never fail to disappoint me with your awe-inspiring use of hyperbole! I mean, Chernobyl proportions, really? The fact that you have a real, live woman standing in front of you instead of a beanpole skeleton is that much of a travesty? I get that designers want to design their creations for people with no fat, no shape, no curves, no...well, anything really, but GET OVER IT.

Instead of truly being inspired by a group of women who had overcome some serious heart disease, they shed some slightly-false tears and continued to moan over not having clothes-hangers as models this week.

Dear designers - Just FYI - I'm guessing 99.9% of people on this planet don't look like size-nothing models and they probably never will. Eventually real people are going to have to buy your clothes for you to be successful.

Almost all the designers were toeing the line between over-dramatic and straight up insulting. One designer was practically salivating over the fact that his "model" was so skinny, while others were moaning about their models being a "tough fit" or using the words "real woman" in hushed tones, as if it was some kind of communicable disease.

My advice? Figure out how to design flattering clothes now. You know, while you have the fabulous Tim Gunn for a mentor, and while you have a captive Project Runway audience at your disposal. Impress us now, people. I don't know about you guys, but if you piss me off now? I'm probably going to hold a grudge and swear to never look at your clothes ever again.

Okay, rant over. Now... Was it just me, or were most of these dresses just uninspired, safe, and boring? I know they had a limited budget (don't they always?) and very limited time (only 1 day) but seriously guys, I was just bored.

Also, the challenge was being sponsored by Campbell's Soup for their AdDress Your Heart Program Gala. In an apparent homage to Andy Warhol, the designers were supposed to incorporate Campbell's branding into their designs... What a joke. I was ready for some awesome geometric prints or super-cute retro looks, but alas, nothing like that came down the runway. What happened to the amazing creativity of the Hershey's challenge from a few years ago? So disappointing.

Alright, let's discuss the runway, shall we?

First, the judges had the most fabulous guest on their panel this week - Georgina Chapman - co-founder of one of my favorite fashion labels ever, Marchesa. They didn't mention this on air, but I believe Georgina is the wife of uber-producer, Harvey Weinstein, whose company produces Project Runway and which might explain her involvement, but I don't care how she got there. I'm just glad she was. Not that I'm biased or anything.

Can we have her back every week? Seriously. She looked fabulous. She made legitimate observations and gave valid critiques about the clothes rather than making flighty comments about whether or not she would "totally wear that" (I'm lookin' at you, Nicole Ritchie). Thumbs up, Georgina.

So... The runway. Right. I was so bored by the blah runway that I wasn't even inspired enough to make catty comments about all of the designs. Instead, here's my take on the final outcome.

Amy Sarabi wins the runway this week with a very pretty, nicely flowing, relatively flattering gown.

I thought Amy did a pretty good job. I think her dress was, by far, the best of the bunch, though that's not really saying much. The fit underneath the bust line is questionable, but I don't hate it. I like the small amount of Campbell's fabric woven into the sash and I'm pretty sure anymore branding would have ruined that particular dress. The movement was my favorite part. The model walked down the runway and it just looked as if a giant fan was blowing the dress back. Excellent execution on that part.

I'm also ignoring the fact that this was essentially a Marchesa rip-off mostly because I love Marchesa that much.

Congrats to Amy!

Oy. This dress was nothing short of a mess. Michael Kors declared that Jesus must have had a checklist of every possible tacky thing he could've done and managed to incorporate them all into one garment. Shiny red, short, tight, and rhinestone straps? I was expecting someone from Dynasty to come out on the runway. The only word I can think of is gaudy.

There is nothing okay about this dress, aside from the construction. He clearly knows how to sew, but that's about it. The racing striped logo on the side just made her look like she should have been one of those girls walking across a boxing ring, holding up a sign for applause or something equally lame.

Also, did the model look miserable, or what? I mean, I know these aren't professional models, but this woman could certainly give lessons on how to perfect the sour-puss look while strutting down the catwalk. Though, if I was wearing that? I'd probably look kind of miserable, too.

So, with that, 21-year-old Jesus is banished from season 7 of Project Runway. I doubt anyone didn't see this coming as he's had some questionable taste the last few weeks, but it's a little sad to see him go. He seemed like a sweet guy, but he's clearly got a lot to learn.

Auf wiedersehen, Jesus!

[photo credits: projectrungay.blogspot.com, mylifetime.com]

She'd look good in a potato sack...

Well, I suppose that really depends on the potato sack, doesn't it?

Let's talk about how the second episode of Project Runway brought back my faith that the judges weren't puffing anything illegal when they let these designers on the show.

"Sneaky, tricky Heidi. I don't know if we're going to the moon or to a runway show."

Well, it's not the moon, but it's pretty damn close! It's a... FARM!

In fact, it's so fabulous that Tim Gunn started this episode standing in the middle of a giant field of dirt...wearing jeans!

JEANS, guys!

This is, like, practically epic! It's almost as awesome as when he wore flip-flops on the beach last season!

So, the theory behind this challenge was that these models are so hot they'd look good in anything, even a potato sack. So that's what they got to wear. Potato sacks. I gotta say, these girls are leaning more toward hot mess than anything else, so the designers have their work cut out for them.

"On top of having to make a dress out of a burlap sack, now we have to be wanted."

As an added twist, the models were the "clients" and had their pick of the designers. Mila's model jumped ship and decided to go with another designer, to which she replied: "What am I? Chopped liver?" No, your model is just a bitch. Oh, and your bangs could use some work.

After the mad rush back to the Parson's workroom, the designers all got cracking. There was cutting and bitching and dyeing and laughing... Oh, wait, the laughing was mostly on my part. Because there are crazy people who say things like "burlap is probably as old as Moses." Uhm, sure! Give or take a few centuries, maybe?

Amidst the usual drama, the inevitable time crunch, and Tim's continuous encouragement to "make it work" the designers actually sent some pretty cool pieces down the runway. Some of which I would never have even guessed were made out of burlap.

Here are my favorites of the night:

Anthony really stepped it up after last week. I love this little minidress. It's a great color, it doesn't look like burlap, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out how he did that fabulous swirly thing in the front of the skirt. The vine-like detailing on the front of the dress is great, too. Two thumbs up, Tony.

Emilio certainly didn't slack off, even though he had immunity from this week's challenge after winning last week. The fit is superb, the vertical appliqué is flattering and frankly, it's just really pretty. She looks chic and well-styled. Great look.

Amy was one of the few to leave the burlap looking, well, like burlap... But I'm not sure it matters. I think it looks great. The cowl neck halter top is super flattering, and the dip-dyed edges of the skirt are beautiful. The overall effect is a teeny-tiny bit like Tinkerbell-goes-Woodstock but I'm okay with that. It fits the model really well and it's just a lot of fun.

Does this look like anything even remotely resembling burlap to you? Cause it doesn't to me. Not at all. Frankly, I don't care what it's made of, it's gorgeous. I have no idea how Jay managed to make that skirt look like it was made of feathers, but it's awesome. The blue accents are really pretty and I debated with myself over the raw edges on the top, but in the end I decided that I really like them. And so did the judges, because they declared him the winner. Congratulations, Jay!

There were a few disasters, though. And I think the worst offenders were pretty obvious.

"The garment's not functional, it doesn't cover her ass. I'm worried, but then I look over at Ping and she's laughing. Maybe I shouldn't be worried, because it's supposed to be an ass flap."

Ping, ignoring Tim's good advice, and disregarding any good sense at all, put her model into a potato sack...that still looked like a potato sack. And more importantly, it showed her poor model's ass. Like, the entire ass. The judges were craning their necks to make sure their eyes weren't deceiving them and that really was crack they were seeing. I don't know how Ping has made it to a second week, let alone made it through this second elimination. I just don't get it.

Heidi found herself wondering if Ping was exaggerating her lack of understanding of the English language and I can't help but wonder the same thing. Her flighty attitude is getting old and it's only been two weeks. Time to auf the excess baggage, people.

"Ms. Thing has a big ole butt."

So everyone was super impressed with Pamela's ability to dye the burlap so well. I agree, she did an awesome job of making a potato sack truly look like faded denim. Unfortunately, that begs the question - why the hell would anyone wear a faded denim minidress with leather lacing? It just screams tacky 80's party, doesn't it?

"Here she is, she can wear a potato sack. I have a feeling a plain potato sack would have been more flattering."

You are so right, Michael Kors.

So, there you have it. Poor Pamela has had her last chance on the runway.

Auf wiedersehen, Pamela!

[photo credits: nymag.com, mylifetime.com]

Back Where They Belong

Season 7 of Project Runway premiered last week and I could just SQUEAL nonstop about the champagne toast on the Atlas rooftop against the backdrop of Manhattan.

"Reunited and it feels soooo good!"

Yep. I went there.

Last season in LA was just SO wrong. I'm sorry, I know LA likes to fancy itself a fashion hot spot... But no. Just no. It doesn't count. They had to pile the contestants into a giant van just to get to Mood for their fabrics, and Tim Gunn has mentioned that it could take up to an hour each way. WTF? Talk about wasting time! Just the fact that Tim Gunn is bad mouthing the season in his own, very proper, very reserved, and undeniably polite way is a bad sign.

Stay out of LA, Heidi! I'm talkin' to you! I hear you're planning to head back there for next season and if you do? I'm really going to have to boycott. (Okay, I'll probably watch, anyway. But, I'm not going to like it!)

No worries. They are back in the fashion district, back at the Parson's work room, and most importantly - our beloved Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are back to sigh, make faces at the contestants, and offer their witty commentary and catty criticisms. All is right with the world.

Actually, there is one thing wrong with the world... So far? I'm super unimpressed with the latest crop of designers.

Amy Sarabi - Why is there an extra cup thing on one of her boobs? I might have liked this if it weren't for that bizarre detail. I kinda like the floaty fabric and the diamond print. I just don't understand the boob thing. At all.

Anna Lynett - This isn't bad, actually... I think it's kind of just safe and sweet. A great dress to keep yourself right in the middle of the pack.

Anthony Williams - I have NO idea where he was going with this. That thing on the side is just... The most bizarre thing ever. One of the judges even mentioned that you could probably smuggle out a bottle of champagne in it and dude... It's totally true! And what is with the tacky as hell flowered fabric choice? Not acceptable.

Maya Luz - this just screams mini-wannabe-Christian-Siriano to me. That thing exploding from her shoulder and chest just doesn't do it for me. Not at all.

Mila Hermanovsky - The print on the inside of the jacket is interesting, and I like how she paired it with a different print on the shirt. I'm not crazy about the skirt, but I think the whole look works together. Nothing special, though.

Pamela Ptak - WTF is this? I like the color, but that's it. I don't like the sleeves, I don't like the length, I don't like the deep-V... I really don't like any of it. Better luck next time, Pam.

Jesse Lenoir - Uhm... Is this a power suit that's completely inappropriate for the office? I hate the fabric. HATE IT. The off-the-shoulder thing is actually pretty cute, but not in that fabric. Not a bad concept, but I just don't get the execution.

Jesus Estrada - It's a chocolate-colored evening gown. With a sheer train in the back. And a bottom half that was literally tacked on as an afterthought. Ugly, tacky, stuck in the 80's. That's pretty much all I can say.

Jonathan Peters - Eh. I'm bored. And I really dislike the way the fabric is shorter in the front. What happens if there's a breeze or something? Just seems like an accident waiting to happen.

Ping Wu - Uhm... Really? Really?? It's a bunch of mismatched fabric draped on a beanpole and wrapped around her head. I don't get it and I don't want to get it. It's just ugly. There's no two ways around it. It's just really freaking ugly.

Seth Aaron Henderson (who looks suspiciously like Keith Richards, no?) - I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I've seen this dress at Hot Topic. It just seems like something Avril Lavigne might wear in a music video. I was not impressed and I can't figure out why the judges were practically salivating over it.

Jeneane Marie Ceccante - Yawn. I like the semi-sheer top. The skirt is perfectly acceptable. I'm just bored by it.

Jay Nicholas Sario - This could've been a cute little dress... Except for the fact that there are three pom-poms attached to the most inappropriate places possible. Couldn't he have used the extra fabric to, I don't know... Make the damn skirt longer??

Ben Chmura - I can't even explain how much I hate this dress. Seriously. I hate it a lot. My hatred knows no bounds. Why, why, WHY do we need pointy sleeves? The fabric is atrocious and the construction is seriously questionable. Awful on all accounts. Boooooooo.

Christiane King - LOSER! And I think it's pretty obvious why. This dress reminds me way too much of Qristyl Frazier's awful design from last season. Where on Earth would you ever pick those two fabrics to go together? And the whole design just kind of makes it look like she ran out of fabric. Ugh. All around ugly.

Emilio Sosa - WINNER! I'm not in love with this dress, but it's clearly one of the best. The construction was impeccable and it moved really well on the runway. The only thing that throws me is the pattern, it just reminds me of bottle caps for some reason. Other than that, it was a pretty cute dress.

So, that's it. The slightly anti-climactic premiere of Project Runway Season 7.

Congratulations, Emilio! Auf weidersehen, Christiane!

Good luck to the rest of the designers!

[photo credits: mylifetime.com]

Bore me to death, why don't you?

I have been so bored by Project Runway lately!

Where are the dazzling gowns à la Christian Siriano?

Not to mention that the boy knew how to use a flat iron, unlike this season's Nicolas.

vs.

Sorry, Nicolas, no contest! Besides, you have yet to declare yourself a "hot tranny mess" so Christian wins by default.

Where's the fabulous commentary that entertains me as much as Santino Rice's immitation of Tim Gunn going to Red Lobster with fellow contestant Andreeeeeee??

Where are the outrageous personalities and crazy clothes to match like those from Austin Scarlett and Chris March?

Ugh. I mean, come on people... Do something besides bickering and making mediocre clothes!

Seriously, this week was... Disappointing. To say the least. Let's take a look, shall we?

The designers had to make pieces to accompany their various winning looks of the season. I'm not sure some of them understood this concept, but let's see what came out of it anyway...

Irina made us a lovely sweater jacket with a really tacky, skin-tight brocade mini-dress thing. Love the sweater, I would probably wear that myself, but the dress underneath was just... Cheap and ugly. At least it fit in with her winning look from episode 10. She understood the challenge, so thumbs up for her. Thumbs down for the bitch factor. Stop it, already. You're talented, we get it. But you're really not the most amazing designer ever. Get over yourself.

Oh, Gordana... What can I even say about this? Your re-fashioned wedding dress was adorable and chic... This is not. The proportion doesn't work and the fit is atrocious. The color is... Boring. The jacket just looks... Unfinished. I like you. I really do. I cheer when you knock it out of the park and I feel sad when you screw up. This is a problem. Step it up or you're on the chopping block next week and since the judges seem to love Christopher for some reason, I have the feeling you'll be the one to get the auf.

Speaking of Christopher...

A mildly cute dress with a down comforter sticking out of the bottom... It doesn't work. I loved your winning red carpet dress. It was sexy, fun, and flirty. You could see the amount of work that went into it... With this? Okay, you connected it with those petal-ruffle things... I get the idea. I just don't like it. The top of the dress doesn't fit her well at all. It's too plain. The balance of the dress doesn't work because of all the crap at the bottom and that white stuff is just... The wrong color, the wrong fabric, and definitely the wrong concept. It looks like two different dresses stuck together. Not cool. How in the world have you survived this long? I don't get it. I feel like you're a nice guy, I really do. I have no problem with you. But your design skills are questionable sometimes. Get it together.

Carol Hannah - I love you. This dress is cute and bubbly and adorable, just like you. It's simple and flattering and even though I'm not sure it really fits in with your winning Christina Aguilera look, I really like it anyway. Good job. I have nothing to complain about with you. (I'm also okay with the fact that you keep making dresses... So what? I'm not particularly impressed with any of the pants anyone has made so far so maybe they should all start doing dresses, too? Just a thought...)

Okay, Althea... The judges were clearly on crack when they declared you the winner of this challenge. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Did you decide that since Malvin was sent home after making those creepy chicken-thigh pants that you could recreate them and do it better? Why would that be a good idea? Ugh. I don't get it. That model is stick thin and the pants are not flattering. I don't know why all the judges went gaga over this but just... Ugh. Also, the strappy tank top thing underneath? It looks cheap. It looks like I could have gotten it at Rainbow or some other equally trashy store. And why is your model incapable of wearing a bra? They do make strapless ones, you know... I don't want to see her giant boobs flopping down the runway. I just don't. I'm sorry. I'm glad that the model has a body and isn't just a skeleton, but shit. You can see her chest through the shirt, no two ways around it. That is a PROBLEM. In fact, you had the exact same problem with your winning look and I still haven't figured out why none of the judges have said anything. Really annoying.

I do like the sweater. It looks comfy and cute. But I'm not that impressed and I certainly wouldn't pick this as the winning look.

Poor Logan... I just don't think you get it at all. The judges called it a little Judy Jetson and I have to agree. How does this connect to your winning kind-of-okay-look? I don't see it at all. It looks kind of like you took the top of a Halloween costume, threw on a bunch of random zippers, and paired it with a skirt from a prom dress. Then you chopped off the bottom of the prom dress skirt and ended up with a pouffy mini-skirt. Awesome! Or not. Sorry, Logan, I'm not feeling it and neither were the judges.

So, unfortunately... It's bye-bye eye-candy! Auf wiedersehen, Logan. It's been nice... Looking at you?

What do you guys think? Anyone else bored with this season? Let me know in the comments!

[photo credits: mylifetime.com, imeanwhat.com]

Project Runway Meets Moulin Rouge... Only Less Fun

This week's episode of Project Runway was a blur of sequins, feathers, and runaway beads. The designers seemed especially frazzled at the prospect of impressing fashion legend, Bob Mackie, and pop princess, Christina Aguilera (girl needs to lay off the bad haircuts/blindingly bright lipstick/orange faux tan), and it definitely showed in the end results.

The judges were having quite a night themselves, as they blasted one look after the other with some rather harsh (and mostly deserved) comments. I, for one, was highly entertained by the train wreck of an episode.

I was also, unfortunately, pretty disappointed with the final runway looks. This is supposed to be a stage look for Christina Aguilera, people. Have you all seen some of the crazy stuff that girl wears off stage, let alone on it? I can't imagine why people were so safe in their designs. I mean, black is all fine and dandy but where was all the hot pink/bright blue/gold/etc that you can actually use when you're creating a stage costume? There was some sparkle, some feathers, some metallics... But most of it was very blah to me.

Let's get to the runway, shall we?

"You're both thinking she comes out in a pumpkin and then pops out."

Tim Gunn sure hit the nail on the head with that workroom quip about Althea Harper and one of the other designers. What is this big reveal they kept going for? This gorgeous silver dress had a hideously-ugly-feathered-motorcycle-jacket-type thing on top of it when the model first stepped onto the runway. Why? Because Althea wanted there to be a "wow" factor"

Uhm... What? Shouldn't the dress itself be a wow factor? It's supposed to be a stage outfit, is it not? Ridiculous. I was so annoyed by that fuzzy jacket thing that I was hoping her dress (which I do like very much) wouldn't win.

"Irina is actually a really good designer. Her only problem is that she's a bitch."

Ding, ding, ding! Fellow designer, Nicolas Putvinski, was so right about Irina Shabayeva. But just we're clear, Nicolas, it takes one to know one.

Yes, she is a really good designer. Yes, she is really talented. Yes, she usually has great taste. But she freakin' knows it. That's the problem. She knows she's good and assumes no one else can possibly even begin to compare.

Newsflash, Irina. It's really annoying. Get over yourself.

Oh, and your oh-so-amazing dress? Not that impressive. Kinda cute. Kinda sparkly. Mostly it just looked liked upscale lingerie. Or a figure skating costume. Yawn. I'm disappointed. This dress is certainly nothing to write home about. Or brag on national television about. Keep that in mind next time you run your mouth, Irina.

"I just decided to toss it and start all over."

And this is what you came up with? Oh, honey...

As last week's winner, Gordana Gehlhausen certainly needs to thank her lucky stars that she had immunity this week. Otherwise, her massive meltdown in the workroom would have had her packing her bags and heading home. What the hell is this? Some weird crocheted sequin tunic over a flowy evening gown? I don't get it. It's just ugly and unflattering. And what in the world is going on in the boob area? Are those buttons or something? It just makes no sense. None at all. I'm talking epic fail here.

"This is by far the best Project Runway moment ever."

So, Nicolas, this is what you create when your so-called idol is sitting in front of you? Don't get me wrong, it's very nice. It's clearly well-constructed, the concept is very cute, and it looks great on the model and would probably look great on Christina Aguilera... But I'm bored. It also looks just like everything else Nicolas has produced this season. Is he aware that there is a whole broad spectrum of colors out there? You don't have to use white every time, dude. Try something new. It won't hurt. I promise.

And for the love of God, please step away from the flat iron!

Seriously. No flat iron necessary for this limp mess of hair.

"I wouldn't put that on a chorus girl, let alone a star." - Bob Mackie

"This is 1999 in the costume department." - Tim Gunn

"This was tasteless." - Nina Garcia

"You get a big E for effort." - Christina Aguilera (she was impressively sweet to all the designers)

I'm not sure what else I can say about Christopher Straub's poorly constructed, ill-fitting, sad imitation of Christina's Lady Marmalade costume? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Hey, Chris... This is what that costume is supposed look like:

If you're going for that look, go all the way, you know?

"It's a little cavewoman..."

Yes. Yes it is. That cut up fur thing is tacky, as are the chains all over it. The dress isn't tragic... It's a cute little shimmery mini dress and that side seam is kinda cool... But eh. I'm underwhelmed. It just doesn't seem like it fits her very well. I'm digging the metallic zebra print, though. It's definitely fun. I just don't think Logan Neitzel took it far enough. I'm also convinced that the judges keep him around because he's a really great piece of eye candy.

"I think you have a major wow factor here."

Really, Tim? Are you sure? Wow-factor? I'm not sure I would go that far. It's definitely a very nice dress. Unfortunately it's hard to see all the details in photos, but there was a ton of great detail work. Feathers and sequins and all kinds of fun stuff. It fit the model perfectly and really made her waist look teeeeeeeny-tinyyyyyy.

I'm still kinda bored. It's a beautiful dress, no doubt, but I just don't think it's a stage costume. It's a good beginning. Just not...enough.

Either way, the judges outvoted me and decided that Carol Hannah was the winner. Congrats, Carol! Awesome job, especially for someone who's never done anything as over the top as this.

"I just don't know why Shirin is still here. Her design sensibility is very bargain basement."

Actually, no, Irina, it's not. You're just a bitch.

Everything else we've seen from Shirin Askari has been quite lovely. She's won a challenge and been in the top 3 for many others. I'm really sad to see her go... Even though this tragedy of a dress was appropriately described by the judges as unfortunate and dowdy. Heidi refers to it as an upscale Halloween dress and Tim Gunn's assessment that it looks like Guinevere meets Vampira was pretty spot on. He also told her it looks like student work. Ouch.

So, it's auf wiedersehen to Shirin and I, for one, do not agree.

Come on, guys! Chris, sweetheart that he is, has been in the bottom two three times in a row now! This is the first time Shirin has even been in the bottom! What the hell kind of a decision is that? Not cool. Not at all.

So what did you think? Did the judges chose right? And who's super excited for what looks to be like a smackdown between Nicolas and Irina on next week's episode? I know I am!!

P.S. Don't forget you still have time to enter the Maybelline Big Chance Prize Pack! Check it out here!

[photo credits: mylifetime.com, movies.yahoo.com]

One day you're in, and the next day... You're out.

So far, the new season of Project Runway has brought us quite a few interesting episodes loaded with highly entertaining characters. And while I'm not particularly thrilled with the move they made from New York to LA, I suppose I can handle it since I can finally have my weekly dose of Tim Gunn again. Just hearing the phrase "Make It Work" makes me happy!

This week the designers had to pair up in teams and tackle the seriously non-high-fashion task of making surf-inspired beachwear. They were taken to the Santa Monica pier and given some time to interact with several California surfers for ideas (ideas which some of them promptly disregarded and decided to do their own things anyway). By the way, only Tim Gunn could get away with pairing his beach flip flops with a blazer without me making fun of him. He can do no wrong.

Now, I understand that as a designer it is truly your own vision... But if you're asked to design a specific type of garment then maybe you should take the opinions of the people who will be wearing your outfits into some sort of consideration? Upon hearing one of the surfer girls say that hoodies were a big part of surf wear, designer Nicolas Putvinsky immediately declared that "hoodies are not for the runway!" Obnoxious. But, maybe I just don't get it.

Anyway, after the teams have chosen their fabrics and gotten to work the judges decide to throw a wrench into the process. Apparently designing one outfit isn't difficult enough since they are working in teams. So in addition to the surf wear, they will need to create a second look that must be avant garde. What for?? They kicked off the two "avant garde" designers in the first two weeks. Seems pointless.

In my humble opinion, there were more disasters than usual on that runway. I have to wonder how some of these people get through every day life, let alone a stressful reality show about an intensely high-pressure industry, without hurting themselves or each other.

I have to admit that I got this week's top/bottom looks completely wrong. I'm not sure if the judges were looking at different garments than I was, but I was completely blown away by the winners (and certainly not in a good way).

Let's take a look at some of the designs, shall we?

None of the surf wear really did much for me and I don't think it was really even interesting enough to mention here, but this was my favorite (as well as the judges favorite) look. Designer Irina Shabayeva gave us a comfortable, simple, and chic beach-inspired outfit that even guest judge, Rachel Bilson, said she would happily wear.

Of course, this sheer top looks like it came straight out of a C&C California catalogue, but I suppose I can forgive that since technically that was exactly the look they were supposed to be going for. The best part of this look was the lovely back of the swimsuit top, which I unfortunately could not find a photo of, but I you assure it was really pretty. It was colorful and woven and the way the shirt sloped off the shoulder it was completely exposed and basically, it just worked.

This was the avant garde look to accompany the piece above and I just... Yeah. I'm not sure I know what to say. The woven fabric does tie in with the surf wear since the back of the bathing suit was done in a similar macrame way and I can see how the two outfits kind of coordinate. But this just seems like a mess... The ruffly-poof thing just seems like it's trying to be a Christian Siriano dress, the extra straps around the neck and under the armpit seem pointless and the bottom just looks messy. I'm not completely horrified by this, but I'm kind of just... Eh. Though I guess in comparison to some of the other atrocities, Johnny Sakalis did a pretty okay job.

Christopher Straub doesn't go the beach very often, does he? The only thing beachy in this outfit is that bikini top peaking out under the tank top. Slightly ill-fitting skinny pants that are kind of metallic yet kind of not, plus an intentionally skewed hem? Really? This is how people show up to the beach in Christopher-Land? Oy vay.

On a side note - does this guy remind anyone else of Season 3 winner Jeffrey Sebelia?

Christopher's partner managed to come up with this. A motorcycle vest, pleated tutu, and...uh...tulle? Lots and lots of tulle? I'm not even sure if that's tulle, but it scares me. I just cannot support this look.

Logan Neitzel, honey, back to the drawing board for you.

I truly hope that you guys saw this on the runway for yourselves because a photo cannot accurately display the disturbing mess that was this outfit. Self-described Plus-Sexy designer (she refuses to use the term plus-size) Qristyl Frazier has outdone herself this time. It's like...every worst nightmare come true. She gave us something that looks like pleather, has random fabric floating off of it, and makes a size-nothing model look like she has a poochy belly, large thighs, and a booty the size of Texas (be very glad that I don't have a photo of the rear view). This is the third week in a row that I am seriously questioning if this woman has any taste at all. She needs to go. Now.

No.

Just NO.

Who told Mr. Hoodies Don't Belong On The Runway to make an easy-access, see-through, dyed-lace garter monstrosity? And not only did he create this thing and think it was awesome, but then he had an even more brilliant idea.

Hey! Why don't I get one of those packages of fake spiderwebs people put up for Halloween and just haphazardly attach it to the shoulders. OMG, yes! That's exactly what this outfit needs!

Gag me. Please. And somebody hit him over the head with a sewing machine to remind him that he's on Project Runway, not Project Streetwalker.

So, after all that... Here it is. The winning look:

Uhm... Looks a little bit like a lettuce leaf (I can't even take credit for that term - designer Ra'mon Lawrence-Coleman described it this way himself) wrapped around a skeleton that had an unfortunate run-in with an exploding grey marker.

Okay, it's avant garde.

Okay, it's an interesting (bulky) shape.

Okay, it's different.

Okay, maybe I just don't get it... But the WINNER?

Seriously? Ugh. You have got to be kidding me.

Somebody get those judges some glasses.

Ugh. Wow. What a disappointing episode.

The only bright spot was that designer (and I use that term very loosely) Mitchell Hall was finally kicked off after admitting that his partner, Ra'mon basically made both outfits and that he didn't really do anything at all. The man clearly can't sew. How did he even get on this show? I really have no idea. But at least the judges finally got it right and for the first time in Project Runway history, the winning design was also the losing design.

Auf Wiedersehen, Mitchell!

(Photo credits belong to mylifetime.com)