To the Pi Beta Phi Sorority at Cornell University...

I am profoundly sorry and offer you my deepest and most sincere sympathies...

Because you have to deal with bitches who send you seven pages worth of rules and regulations that mandate exactly what you can and cannot wear before school even begins.

I was in the middle of my Project Runway recap post for last week's episode when I was forwarded the following link by a friend:

'No Frumpy': Cornell's Pi Phi Forbids American Apparel Leggings, 'Gross, Plastic Shizzz'

So, this psychotic bitch takes her job as rush chair a little bit too seriously and has set forth a few rules for the girls rushing her très chic sorority house.

This girl has covered everything you'd ever need to know, and just in case you wonder why certain things are forbidden while others are not? Her explanations are typically some form of "I like this, so there."

Here are some of my favorite points:

Skinny or straight-leg jeans are acceptable, as are denim leggings - but only if they're not from American Apparel, and only if they're "done right."

Want to wear a cardigan sweater? Sure! But don't forget to wear it over a longer tank top. Don't get any ideas about cardigans over tee shirts, short tops, or dresses. Against the rules!

She is "weird about shoes" so make sure to "get it right." Flats are awesome, as long as they are Tory Burch (a little out-dated, aren't you, darling?) or the like. Boots must be worn over pants.

As for the ever-popular booties trend? Forget it. You're only allowed to wear them if you can pull them off - "aka, probably not."

Cocktail dresses - totally up to you and your own style... Wait, just kidding!

No spaghetti straps. No sleeveless dresses ("unless you have really good arms"). No satin. Because duh, "no one looks good in satin dresses unless its from Betsey Johnson or Dolce and Gabbana, you weigh less than 130 pounds, have 3 pairs of Spanx on and its New Years Eve" (there are so many issues with this sentence that it gives me a headache).

How about jewelry? Well, you're totally welcome to wear stud earrings, as long as they're diamond or pearl or "something that's just adorable."

Did you get a charm bracelet for your birthday? Don't even try to wear it, unless she says it's beautiful. Watches? Not gonna happen. She's weird about this, too, and she will have the time and will keep you informed, so just deal with it.

Also, if anything comes from Forever 21, you're not allowed to wear it.Don't even try.

She "doesn't tolerate gross plastic shizzz" y'all, so in case you were planning to don those Mardi Gras beads, just throw 'em out the window.

So, what about makeup? Do you at least get to incorporate some tiny sliver of individuality on your own face?

NOPE!

"Your skin is your base," people, if it doesn't look good, nothing else will! Didn't you know that? Blush is not optional. "Weird bronzer" or "too obvious cover-up" is not acceptable. "You don't need to pile on the makeup, but you do need to look like someone they'd die to hang out with!" Uhm... I'm not sure I want anyone dying to hang out with me because of my makeup skills.

Another thing she's weird about? "You need to have color on your life." Uhm... Say what? I'm assuming she means lips, but I can't say for sure... I mean if you're this important, surely you took the time to read over your own document, no?

Your hair should be clean, cut, and freshly colored. Weird accessories will not be tolerated. Don't even try that messy ponytail thing. It just ain't gonna fly.

Oh, and in case you wondering... "You best have a mani pedi when you get to Ithaca" (Cornell is in the town of Ithaca, NY - a place I spent two years of my undergrad education and could not have detested more - it snows EVERY SINGLE DAY guys, I just couldn't handle it!).

A few last tips: wear perfume and" deoderant" (Not even spell-check, honey? Really??). And "get waxed, cut, colored, and groomed!!!!" (FOUR exclamation points - count 'em! One-two-three-four!)

Wow. I have NO words. I never pledged a sorority, so I can't speak from personal experience, but I truly hope that not everyone has to deal with crazy bitches like this.

Click below to check out the full document, page by ridiculous page:

[photo credits: fashionista.com, entertainmentwallpaper.com]

Evolution of a Fame Whore

Raise your hand if you have been watching The Hills since little miss Lauren Conrad, still LC in my book, hopped into her convertible and said goodbye to her family's mansion overlooking the beach and cruised into a ridiculously posh apartment in LA. *This is me raising my hand*

And how many of you remember cute and bubbly Heidi Montag before her union with uber-sleaze Spencer Pratt? You know, back when she still looked like this...

Now, okay, I know that everyone has insecurities. Everyone dislikes something about their body or their face or whatever the case may be. But I really don't think there was all that much wrong with Heidi. In fact, Stuff Magazine didn't either, which is why they chose to do a spread with her before she went all plastic-surgery-crazy.

Uhm... If I looked like that? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do a damn thing to my body, but that's just me. Maybe I'm weird.

Apparently, Heidi was pretty content with that body of hers... Until she met her future husband, and all around creepy, disgusting, cheating, sleaze of a man, Spencer. Would you trust this guy?

Cause, I wouldn't! *cough* DOUCHE *cough*

Alright, so, against all better judgement, Heidi gets into a super-dramatic relationship with Mr. Pratt and they spend every other episode of the Hills as butt buddies.

Doing stupid things that stupid, preppy, over-priveleged kids do.

And then The Hills went on summer break. By the time the next season premiered, Heidi was on my screen looking like this...

Hmm... Okay. The hair is a lot blonder. The nose is a lot smaller. Okay, I guess I can handle it. It's not that bad.

Only once I saw her in a low cut shirt, I realized the nose wasn't the only thing she had done. And how do I know this? Because she showed up somewhere looking like this...

Oh. Em. Gee. Those were not there before!

She also tried to become a pop star...

...and started her own clothing line - I believe it was called Trashy Plastic Whores?

She also frequently showed up places looking drunk off her ass, though I'm pretty sure it's just the bizarre dreamy look in her eyes and the collagen-induced pout.

Then, she did the unthinkable and married Satan...

In a dress that drowned her tiny frame and more bling than should ever be allowed on one human being at one time.

They went on to live in wedded bliss until Heidi decided she was bored and wanted babies. So, Spencer compromised (after almost having a vasectomy performed without her knowledge) and got her puppies instead!

Now, the latest "Speidi" drama? Heidi decided she still wasn't happy with her body. So she went back under the knife to have a few little procedures done. Ten, to be exact. In one day. ONE DAY.

And now? She looks like this...

Uh... WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF, HEIDI????

She looks NOTHING like herself anymore. She looks... Like a Barbie. A manly Barbie.

In addition to having more work done on her nose, she had a chin reduction, her ears pinned back, and another breast enhancement - she's now a DDD! And apparently she can't move her face at all since her expression is almost exactly the same on the cover as it is in the second photo. Who actually takes a lesson from the Pamela Anderson Playbook??

I am so disturbed by this I don't even know what else to say. She's a shell of her former bubbly self and I really can't stand the sight of her and that creepy husband of hers.

Enough is enough, Heidi. Please, for the love of God, look in the mirror and stop the madness before you end up looking like a certain recently-deceased pop star.

[photo credits: hollywire.com, aishamusic.wordpress.com, morethoughtsfromtheshower.blogspot.com, www.eonline.com, hotmommagossip.com, celebitchy.com, puppyfarts.files.wordpress.com]

A Golden Evening

The 2010 Golden Globes felt like...well, to be honest, a little bit like my prom.

There was pouring rain, deflated hair, damp hemlines, crowded tables, and the cool kids won Prom King & Queen... And way too many tacky prom dresses for me to deal with.

Oh, such fond memories...

Seriously, was it just me, or did a few people head straight to the Seventeen Magazine Prom Issue to pick out their dresses?

There were some gorgeous dresses, yes, but I found myself pretty underwhelmed by a lot of the Hollywood All Stars.

Fergie in Elie Saab. There's nothing wrong with this dress. I enjoy the color, it makes her waist look teeny-tiny, the fabric flows nicely... I'm just... Eh. I'm pretty sure her best accessory was that super-yummy husband of hers, Josh Duhamel. I'm disappointed, Fergie-Ferg.

Nicole Kidman in Nina Ricci with Fred Leighton jewels.

WOW, she has NO SHAPE in this dress. It just goes straight up and down and no amount of ruching, ruffles, or gratuitous bows can help. And while the color is very pretty, I don't think it's very pretty on her. It just blends in with her skin too much. At least her hair isn't blonde anymore. Then everything would have blended. Oy.

Cameron Diaz in Alexander McQueen and Ferragamo heels. I like the color, I like the heels, I loathe and detest the shoulder area. The cap sleeves made her look so broad on stage that I can't even remember a word she said, I was just staring at her massive shoulders. Also, how about a necklace or some nice earrings? You look boring. Even in the brightest red you could find. That's a problem.

January Jones in Lanvin, Brian Atwood heels, and Neil Lane jewels. January, darling, I love you. No, I really do. You are stunning on Mad Men. You usually make me so happy at award shows. You literally stopped the show at the 2009 Emmy Awards with your appearance on the red carpet. What is this? The shape is so...BLAH. It looks marginally better when you turn to the side and I appreciate that ruffle/bow thing you have going on... But other than that? Not feeling it. And that headband... If you had just pushed it back a little bit? It would have been SO MUCH BETTER.

Anna Kendrick in Marchesa and a Judith Leiber clutch. Let me start by saying how much I love Anna. I have loved her since she was a ruthless, part-steeling, stalker-ish, all-around-awesomely-evil teenager in Camp. I think she's adorable and can hold her own in every interview I've ever seen. Unfortunately, I think this is just way too much dress for her. Maybe the ruffle is too big, maybe the train is too long... It looks kinda heavy, too... I don't know. Whatever the case may be, I just wasn't a fan. But I still love you, Anna! I'll totally be your BFF!

Tina Fey in Zac Posen. From the waist up - adorable. The rest of it, including the giant bow shoes - WTF IS THAT? I have nothing else to say besides I hate it. Oh, and it looks like a lamp shade.

Sandra Bullock in Bottega Venetta. Congratulations on your win, Sandra, you truly deserved it. And I was almost with you on this dress. The color is stunning. You look beautiful, your hair is lovely, the makeup was very well done, and those earrings are great. But the dress itself... Why is it shiny? Why can I see you whole leg through it? Is it just a little leg-peeking-see-through? Or is the whole thing more see-through than we can tell? I like the top part, and the sheer back is cute... But this is definitely a prom dress. No doubts about it.

Alright, there you have it. My biggest disappointments of the night. What do you think?

Stay tunes for the stars that, in my humble opinion, actually got it right!

[photo credits: people.com, justjared.buzznet.com]

OMG Enough is Enough

Dear Little J - AKA Taylor Momsen,

Just FYI - You are not actually a jaded little Brooklyn hipster. You are not sexy. You are not cool. You are not edgy. You are not a rock star. You've got too much makeup on. Your ratty extensions are so tacky and stringy that they make me want to pull out my own damn hair.

I can't even chalk this look up to the Nylon stylists because this is exactly what you look like on Gossip Girl (and everywhere else you turn up), so clearly you've got some kind of input in this disastrous situation. Oh, and get some coffee. You look like you're about to pass out.

Stop it. Just STOP IT. You're like twelve years old! You're on a hit show! You don't have any reason to look like you're too damn cool for school!

What happened to this girl?

Sunny and fresh faced with lovely (NATURAL!) hair?

Please, please, please do the world a favor and rethink channeling Courtney Love for the rest of your life, 'kay? We'd all really appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Leelee

[photo credits: lexdigger.wordpress.com, taylormomsen.net]

New Moon Rising

I know I promised I wouldn't use this blog as my Twilight-obsessing-vehicle... And I'm not.

I swear. But, I can't not talk about this. It just wouldn't be right. There's a lot I need to discuss about the red carpet fashion choices at the Hollywood premiere of New Moon.

There was some good, some bad... And some what the hell were you thinking??

Let's take a look, shall we?

Here's Kristen Stewart, ever the reluctant superstar, and her jail bait (he's really only 17??) wanna-be-movie-love-interest, Taylor Lautner.

On one hand, Kristen looks better than she has in recent months, especially now that her Joan Jett mullet is finally starting to grow out. I have mixed feelings about her Oscar de la Renta gown, though. I think it's a lovely dress in general, but I think the fit is a little awkward... No? Maybe the waist a little low on her, or it's a tiny bit too long so parts of the skirt don't flow straight down the way they should... Or maybe I'm just crazy. I don't know. I think it's a good choice, but maybe a little more tailoring would have made this a home run for me.

Taylor, on the other hand, has found yet another perfectly fitting suit. The boy (yes, I emphasize the word boy here) certainly the body for a slim-fitting suit and he's clearly not afraid to show it off (anybody who's seen the New Moon trailers already knows that, though - he spends most of them shirtless).

Next we have my beloved Robert Pattinson.

Gucci suit, adorable grin, perfectly messy hair... This guy can't go wrong. I'll spare you any more of my gushing, though, no worries!

A few of the other Cullens join the premiere party. Here are Jackson Rathbone, Ashley Greene, and Kellan Lutz. The boys looks fabulous in their tuxes and I think Ashley looks stunning in her Prabal Gurung gown. The back was actually my favorite part, and can I just say her makeup and hair are flawless? High-five to her stylist!

How pretty is that? Good choice, Ashley.

Their costar, Nikki Reed, didn't fair quite as well.

I guess this powder blue Burberry dress isn't awful... I just... Eh. I'm kind of indifferent. It does nothing for her figure (which is clearly pretty hot judging by those legs) and it seems a little casual, despite the shiny fabric. The hair and makeup were very pretty, though. Try harder on the dress next time.

How cute is Papa Cullen, Peter Facinelli with his wife, Jennie Garth? I love his three piece suit and purple shirt - very gothic. And you know how much I adore sparkles, so Jennie is right on with the awesomeness there and that one-shoulder dress makes her shoulders look lovely. I'm a firm believer than not everyone looks good in the one-shoulder trend, but I definitely think she rocked it.

And here is Peter's on-screen wife, Elizabeth Reaser, in Herve Lager.

She looks... Pretty hot. Not gonna lie. I'm a little bored with all the Herve Lager banded dresses... They're everywhere. And hey, if you've got the body for it? Do it up. And she certainly does have the body for it. Great hair, too. Overall, I like it. But definitely a safe choice.

Now, for my absolute favorite look of the night.

The lovely Dakota Fanning (She's 15! She's way too poised to be 15!) in a stunning Valentino peekaboo lace mini-dress. I love it. Seriously. All of it. It's glamorous and grown up, but still fun and flirty. Just fabulous. I like that she went easy on the hair and makeup since the dress itself makes a pretty big statement and she is still 15. She's got time to be all va-va-voom and overdone.

Next we have a few of the only regular old humans in the film.

Christian Serratos in ugly. Err... I mean a Rafael Cennamo mini-dress and Stella McCartney booties. Oh, and purple lipstick. WHAT IS THIS? Holy cleavage! And what is with the hemline going UP right where it should be covering the most?? And god, I have an unholy hatred for booties with dresses... I can't do it. I really can't. I can't even talk about this anymore. Ugh.

Here's Anna Kendrick in Talbot Runhof. Okay, my initial reaction was 'what the fu--'... And then I thought about it. And I looked at it some more. And now... I kind of like it. Is that weird? It's bizarre and blinged-out and shiney and... I dunno. I think it's fun. I have also loved Anna since her deliciously evil performance in the awesome indie flick, Camp, so I think that sways my opinion a little bit.

Okay, I think I left the worst for last....

Model Noot Seear in an atrocious Alexander McQueen. Now... I know he's all about the crazyness... But this? This is just... Tiger hiding in the forest with weird fish-scale-type armor? I don't know. I don't get it. I don't want to get it. It's just... Wow. Incredibly ugly. The uh... Hair is nice? Hardly enough to redeem that outfit though. And the tacky shoes. Don't even get me started on those. Honey... No. Just no.

There were quite a few more scary outfits I was going to talk about... But staring at the photos is kind of giving me a headache so I'll spare you the disasters! So, what do you think? Love the outfits? Hate them? Wish I'd shut up about anything and everything Twilight-related? Let me know!

[photo credits: people.com, nypost.com]

Emmy 2009 Rundown: The Faux-pas Failures

The Emmy's were not all fun and games. There was a whole ton of FAIL going on there.

These are my biggest disappointments of the night:

Leighton Meester in Bottega Veneta

I wanted to like this dress. I love Leighton and I think she hits more than she missed with award shows... But honey... Two knots of toilet paper on the shoulders? That is not okay. Neither is wearing a dress that doesn't fit.

There is a whole lot of Fail going on here.

Blake Lively in Versace

This dress had too much skin showing. Period. Too much with the boobs, too much with the legs (not in this shot, but the skirt is barely held together with a single string and the wind was threatening to blow it open the entire time she was on the red carpet), and way too much with the entirely open back.

Fail, Blake. Big time Fail.

Mila Kunis in Monique Lhullier

Mila, Mila, Milaaaaa... What are you doing? You are such a stunningly beautiful girl... What in the world could possibly make you wear this ankle length ballerina dress?

Okay, from the waist up, it's actually kind of pretty... But the bottom? I just... Ugh.

No words, Mila. I have no words.

Sarah Silverman in... I have no idea.

Nobody seems to be able to stop talking about atrocious this dress was to figure out who designed it.

Why, why, WHY would you ever want to triple the size of your hips?

She looks like she's being swallowed alive by this monstrosity.

Ew.

Major FAIL.

Kyra Sedgwick in L'Wren Scott

Kyra, you are an old pro at this whole red carpet thing... Why in the world did you think it was okay to show up in a bridesmaid dress in a color that resembles Pepto Bismo?

Hop onto the Fail-train. This is a wreck.

Hayden Panettiere in J. Mendel

This does nothing for her. It's too tight across the chest and makes her look much bigger than she is. Normally I love layers and flowy draping but this is just... Bleh.

And the one shoulder? It kind of just looks like they forgot to put the second shoulder on.

Weird.

Pheobe Price in... I don't care.

Is this a joke?

No, seriously... Is it?

[photo credits: instyle.com, nymag.com, gofugyourself.celebuzz.com, eonline.com, headlineplanet.com, cdn.bussnet.com, starsareblind.com]